A group of professionals posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?" The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:
"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love." Rebecca - age 8
"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth." Billy - age 4
"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and snuggle together." Karl - age 5
"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs." Chrissy - age 6
"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." Terri - age 4
"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him to make sure the taste is OK." Danny - age 7
"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that." Emily - age 8
"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen,". Bobby - age 7
"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend whom you hate." Nikka - age 6
"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, and he then wears it every day." Noelle - age 7
"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well." Tommy - age 6
"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore." Cindy - age 8
"My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night." Clare - age 6
"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken." Elaine - age 5
"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford." Chris - age 7
"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day." Mary Ann - age 4
"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones." Lauren - age 4
"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." Karen - age 7
"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget." Jessica - age 8
And the final one:
Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. The winner was a four-year-old child whose next-door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his mother asked him what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said:
Perfectly described. I’ve never used a dating app. Can’t bring myself to. It seems so wrong for me and not what I know is the wonder of meeting irl someone who just makes you stop breathing and thinking. Unfortunately these wonders have never worked out for various reasons but I’m happy to get on with my life and somewhere inside me, hold out for that next wonder that I may just meet unexpectedly 💚
yea i get that - my heterodox opinion is that i think online dating is here to stay... but the way people use it/the unspoken cultural game around it is what's going to change
Beautiful, thank you! When i saw your tweet i really connected to the heartrot sentiment, but i think for me it plays out in an even more cruel dynamic than being given “exactly what we ask for." In their commodification of desire, apps like hinge also withhold and hide behind paywalls what we think they know and what would fulfill us. Then in the binary torture that you described we are forced to judge thousands of innocent souls that deserve their place in the world, who could just be independent from our sparks of desire, but who we have to place with a yes or no. Practicing this malice by sifting through an index is indeed so disconnected from what Eros cherishes. It rots my heart, because it demands to inject hate into it while seemingly en route to love.
Perfectly-put, and incredibly well-written! And that is the kind of desire I want, at least now, when my soul still has fire! Someone got my number from a friend while we were at the club and when we started talking, all I wanted to know was "what did you see that enchanted you?" and that would determine whether or not we'd stay in touch. So yes, I totally relate. I want my love rich in flavor, a little too hot if you may!
beautiful writing, agree with all the anti-binary information pro-blurry desire sentiments buuut maybe love doesn't have to feel like your life is spiraling out of control and more so like a nice steady climb to the top of a really beautiful view :)
The blurriness! Yes! Love disappears under a critical eye. Avoiding knowledge mining is a skill that must be practiced these days. My love with my spouse started with drip feed. And eventually became a downpour. But that original slow build was how the fire started.
Such an interesting read! Kept thinking about how I've seen people I liked in real life on dating apps and how I would have never swiped because "we didn't make sense"
Yeah wow I love this. I'm working on a piece now about the "lists" I see people make of their "ideal man," and they've become so incredibly specific bc social media has classified people into categorized little groups of traits (like you said pilates princess, golden retriever etc.) and bc dating apps let you actually sort by those traits/list items. I find it takes all the magic away. Obviously there are some attributes that we should sort by (like whether they're a good human being) but other than that, love comes when we let life surprise us, when we let go of the lists and let ourselves fall! This was great Sherry!
I am simply in awe of your writing. I could've never put those thoughts into words as eloquently as you did. It's like you took a look into my mind and turned it into poetry. Thank you so much for expressing the exact feelings I have about this topic in such a beautiful way. ❤️
The paradox: Having spend quite some time on dating apps in periods over the years, I totally agree with you. And yet, at the time of writing I am truly and madly in love with someone who I met at Hinge ❤️
What is love? From the insights of Children:
A group of professionals posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?" The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:
"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love." Rebecca - age 8
"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth." Billy - age 4
"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and snuggle together." Karl - age 5
"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs." Chrissy - age 6
"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." Terri - age 4
"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him to make sure the taste is OK." Danny - age 7
"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that." Emily - age 8
"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen,". Bobby - age 7
"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend whom you hate." Nikka - age 6
"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, and he then wears it every day." Noelle - age 7
"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well." Tommy - age 6
"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore." Cindy - age 8
"My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night." Clare - age 6
"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken." Elaine - age 5
"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford." Chris - age 7
"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day." Mary Ann - age 4
"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones." Lauren - age 4
"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." Karen - age 7
"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget." Jessica - age 8
And the final one:
Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. The winner was a four-year-old child whose next-door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his mother asked him what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said:
"Nothing, I just helped him cry."
https://substack.com/@tritorch/note/c-110313722
I’ve been reading Substack for a few years now, and this is my favorite comment so far.
That is very kind of you to take the time to say, thank you John
too cute
As it turns out, by training a magnifying glass on Eros, we didn't see him better or learn anything new. We just burned him alive.
Perfectly described. I’ve never used a dating app. Can’t bring myself to. It seems so wrong for me and not what I know is the wonder of meeting irl someone who just makes you stop breathing and thinking. Unfortunately these wonders have never worked out for various reasons but I’m happy to get on with my life and somewhere inside me, hold out for that next wonder that I may just meet unexpectedly 💚
yea i get that - my heterodox opinion is that i think online dating is here to stay... but the way people use it/the unspoken cultural game around it is what's going to change
Beautiful, thank you! When i saw your tweet i really connected to the heartrot sentiment, but i think for me it plays out in an even more cruel dynamic than being given “exactly what we ask for." In their commodification of desire, apps like hinge also withhold and hide behind paywalls what we think they know and what would fulfill us. Then in the binary torture that you described we are forced to judge thousands of innocent souls that deserve their place in the world, who could just be independent from our sparks of desire, but who we have to place with a yes or no. Practicing this malice by sifting through an index is indeed so disconnected from what Eros cherishes. It rots my heart, because it demands to inject hate into it while seemingly en route to love.
ugh idk i feel like dating apps aren't evil but it really takes the fun out of things
Perfectly-put, and incredibly well-written! And that is the kind of desire I want, at least now, when my soul still has fire! Someone got my number from a friend while we were at the club and when we started talking, all I wanted to know was "what did you see that enchanted you?" and that would determine whether or not we'd stay in touch. So yes, I totally relate. I want my love rich in flavor, a little too hot if you may!
Thank you!! i totally get you :')
beautiful writing, agree with all the anti-binary information pro-blurry desire sentiments buuut maybe love doesn't have to feel like your life is spiraling out of control and more so like a nice steady climb to the top of a really beautiful view :)
thank you!! yea it takes work but nothing replaces that feeling of "i am happy to lose grip on reality for a while" ughhhh <3
You articulated my angst with dating apps so clearly! I adore your writing.
Thank you!! i love your username haha
Haha it's how I see myself reading substack articles.
The blurriness! Yes! Love disappears under a critical eye. Avoiding knowledge mining is a skill that must be practiced these days. My love with my spouse started with drip feed. And eventually became a downpour. But that original slow build was how the fire started.
J'ADORE
I feel like a lot of people would be very happy with an app that could reliably introduce them to someone is attractive enough, kind, and responsible.
I don’t know if that’s even possible, but being able to filter for a “kindness index” of 4/5 would be great.
too many things are vibe-based
this is beautiful 🥹
thank you steph <3 back at you & your letters
Such an interesting read! Kept thinking about how I've seen people I liked in real life on dating apps and how I would have never swiped because "we didn't make sense"
too many things are vibe based!!
I loved every word of this. Thank you!
thanks for reading Sam!
Yeah wow I love this. I'm working on a piece now about the "lists" I see people make of their "ideal man," and they've become so incredibly specific bc social media has classified people into categorized little groups of traits (like you said pilates princess, golden retriever etc.) and bc dating apps let you actually sort by those traits/list items. I find it takes all the magic away. Obviously there are some attributes that we should sort by (like whether they're a good human being) but other than that, love comes when we let life surprise us, when we let go of the lists and let ourselves fall! This was great Sherry!
Thanks Caroline! :)
I am simply in awe of your writing. I could've never put those thoughts into words as eloquently as you did. It's like you took a look into my mind and turned it into poetry. Thank you so much for expressing the exact feelings I have about this topic in such a beautiful way. ❤️
I really appreciate your kind words Lina <3 :) thank you for reading!!!!
This is exactly why I have never used a dating app
The paradox: Having spend quite some time on dating apps in periods over the years, I totally agree with you. And yet, at the time of writing I am truly and madly in love with someone who I met at Hinge ❤️